It's only when you accept and celebrate your spouse as the quirky individual he is that you can both relax into being yourselves -- just like you did when you were dating. Men are not big, hairy women Many women believe that if their man would just share his feelings, they would finally have the connection they crave.
But asking a man how he feels in counseling is like asking a woman in a bathing suit who's eating a piece of cake how much she weighs.
When I think about the lousy advice that we got during our marriage counseling, I'm amazed that we survived it.
Instead of someone with an impressive diploma, consider seeking the advice of a wife with a happy, healthy, intimate relationship. Any fool can complain and most do during marriage counseling The fastest way to destroy your relationship is to focus on what's wrong with your partner.
Hundreds of thousands of women have used these principles to transform their shredded marriages into intimate, passionate relationships, but too many are still stuck in ineffective marriage counseling.
Here are some of the reasons that marriage counseling is a big, fat lie. It starts with calling your spouse a loser When a wife says to her husband, "We should go to counseling," what she really means is, "You're a loser." Since a key ingredient for intimacy is emotional safety, this approach puts the connection she craves further out of reach.
Trying to control someone else not only wears you out, it gives you the illusion that you're working really hard on your relationship while the other person isn't doing anything.
They might be used to a wife who did all the domestic things for them, such as the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, or even fixing a running toilet.The last time your husband criticized you, did it make you want to hug him?A woman who doesn't realize she just criticized her husband by suggesting marriage counseling might think his snarky response is coming out of nowhere -- which proves he needs marriage counseling.Once you make yourself feel good, he sees that you are pleasable, which opens the door for him to delight you too. Perhaps you are recently divorced and now you find yourself exploring available men online. Have you heard that widowers are great dates, who know what they want and are ready to get it?No relationship ever got happier from one person criticizing the other. Would you take fitness tips from a 350-pound personal trainer who just had bypass surgery?What takes more courage -- but always results in much greater connection -- is being vulnerable by admitting you feel hurt, rejected or lonely. Some marriage counselors are failures Some marriage counselors aren't married. If your marriage counselor doesn't have the kind of relationship you want, she simply can't tell you how to get it.If you want more passion in your marriage, there's no stronger aphrodisiac than respect. It's the most expensive way to try to control your spouse Marriage counseling may seem like an important purchase, but it's actually a tragic waste because it diverts funds from something that really would help your marriage: Self-care.Self-care means not only getting enough rest and nourishment, it means that you make it a priority to do three pleasurable things every single day.If you want to save your marriage, for the love of God, don't go to marriage counseling. My husband and I went to counseling for years thinking there was something wrong with us, but we finally realized that the counseling was the problem.That set me on a path to discovering the principles of intimacy, which I describe in best-selling book printed in 26 countries and 15 languages.